our scars remind us that the past is real

I’m not gonna lie… this week has been really tough. My boyfriend and I have started some of the many talks we will have about college and our future. We’ve been dating for over a year and have talked about how we want our life to be. We’ve talked about going to college together and then getting our own apartment, getting married, having kids and spending each day together. I know it sounds cliche but I can’t imagine anything different. He’s my world. We see each other all the time and miss each other when we’re apart. He makes me laugh and cry, especially when he tickles me. We have had our ups and downs, but somehow we always manage to get through it together. He’s turned into my best friend in the world. I tell him everything and trust him with so much, including my heart. We have had our low points where it didn’t seem like anything would get better, but we have also had our moments when we were on top of the world, so in love. We’re busy these days with school, work and making plans for the future. College is in the cards for both of us. We have looked at many schools and we have narrowed it down to one: Penn State. The problem is that he got into Main Campus and I didn’t. They are reevaluating my application so I should know by tomorrow but I don’t think I will get in. Although we have said in the past that we are going to school together, he has been thinking about going to Main while I go to an alternative campus, and then I’ll transfer to Main after a year. I want what’s best for him I really do, but I’m also not stupid. I know that if we go to separate schools it is going to be hard on our relationship, and although we are strong, we may not be strong enough to be that far apart for so long. I just don’t want to lose my boyfriend. He’s my world, I love making him happy and just seeing him smile makes me happy. I wish I could tell him to go to Main, but that would mean giving up our relationship and that is something I am not willing to do. I am feeling an enormous amount of pressure to get in tomorrow. I don’t want to let him down, even though I feel like I already have. 

Grew Up Too Fast

A little girl played outside as her parents fought in the kitchen. She looked to her toys like they were her only hope at happiness. She heard things happen that would leave an impression on her that could last forever. She stood in the doorway when they told her that mommy was going away. It would be months until she heard her mommy’s voice again. She grew up trying to grasp what was now her reality. The kids teased her because she wasn’t like them, even though just a few years before, she was like them. She learned that being different from everyone was okay but she still struggled to fit in. She made friends with people she shouldn’t have but was still able to find her way. There came a boy, one like none before him. She felt like a princess, even though he didn’t always treat her like one. He was one that she could hold onto and call her own. She convinced herself that not every relationship had to fail, like her parents’ had. She was strong, she saw the best in him. He had a power over her not even she could see. It wouldn’t take much for her to crumble. That day came, as it was bound to eventually. He took everything, leaving her with nothing but feelings of hatred and regret. He left her at the lowest point she had ever been. She flashed back to those days as a little girl when everything seemed to be swirling around her head unable to be grasped. She had once again lost everything. Everything she had known was a lie. Why did everything have to end like this? How was she to go on? She had given him everything, the biggest mistake she may ever make. Years pass but she never forgets the lessons he taught her. She’s happy now, in a truly happy way. Against all odds, she trusts herself to not make the same mistakes. A new man enters her life like a hurricane. A hurricane that waited off shore for quite some time and would hit when the right time came. She believes in him, although forever cautious at the ever changing tides.